queen-dandelion: there should be like a strip club only with hot dads in good shoes with their legs propped up on tables sipping coffee and staring at you over the tops of their glasses when you walk in goddamn i would lose so much money
my dad really enjoyed spring breakers. lolz.
turbulentseas: bastardsinblue: I wish girls would find me sexy by looking at my records. “Oh my god you have an original ________ lets make out badass”. wish everyone reacted that way, haha
azaleadalen: “Some people underestimate how erotic it is to be understood.” -Mary Rakow
“your friend is hot” story of my life
i laughed so hard during this episode of the office that i had to use my inhaler. Saturday nights can get pretty wild guys.
if you compliment me once i’ll think about it every night for twelve years
malijuanastyles: i was sitting in the bathroom today when like 5 girls walked in and i stopped pooping right away cause i didn’t want them to hear me but then i thought why is taking a shit so bastardized today like why cant i poop in peace in the privacy of my own stall without caring if people listen to the flop flop plop plop sploosh sploosh like damn just sing along to the ploop blop and...